She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
