Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
