I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
