I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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