dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
