so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
