Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize