my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
