Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize