You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
