Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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