exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
