OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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