Apparently you make a good broom.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
