Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
