I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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