thus making me awesome and them whores
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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