Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
