The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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