If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
