Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
