DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
this will be a night to untag.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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