The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
