Don't make out with my wife yet
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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