Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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