saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
