My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
