i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
