i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
