my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
