dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
