There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
