If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
