your parents love me but you hate me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
