just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
