considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm always down for nudity.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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