did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize