how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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