take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
