Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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