The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
