i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
