I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
