I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
