So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
