And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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