Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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