So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Randomize
