I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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