It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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