just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
