I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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