Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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