I hate all girls vehemently.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
