How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She is in my trunk
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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