Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
