We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
