I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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