There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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