I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize