things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
