dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
