I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
