seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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