About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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