I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
