Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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