so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
