I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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