I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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