it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
